How to Break Free from Outcome Obsession: A Therapist's Guide to Embracing Effort and Transforming Anxiety

Nov 15

In this week's blog post, I want to tackle a concept that's near and dear to my heart as a psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety and perfectionism: the idea that it's the effort and process, not just the outcomes, that truly matter when it comes to success and our mental well-being.

A person jotting down a few things she learned or accomplished at the end of each day.

We live in a world that often measures success solely by outcomes. The number of likes on a social media post, the paycheck at the end of the month, or the final grade on an exam - these are the markers of success that we're bombarded with daily. But here's the thing: our fixation on these outcomes can be a significant source of anxiety and perfectionism.

Anxiety often creeps in when we're overwhelmed by the fear of not achieving a specific outcome. We worry about what others will think, about failing, and the list goes on. Perfectionism takes it even further; it insists that anything less than a perfect outcome is a failure. It's a never-ending loop of stress and pressure.

The Anxiety-Outcome Connection:

Anxiety often thrives on the anticipation of future outcomes. It's that nagging feeling that if things don't turn out exactly as planned, something terrible will happen. This fear of uncertainty can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and trying new things. It's a vicious cycle, as the more we fixate on outcomes, the more anxious we become.

Perfectionism's Tight Grip:

Perfectionism, on the other hand, drives us to fixate on flawless outcomes. It's the inner critic that says, "If it's not perfect, it's not good enough." This relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to relentless self-criticism, high levels of stress, and a lack of self-compassion.

What's the antidote to this anxiety and perfectionism?

Shifting the focus to the effort and the process. Here's why:

Growth Happens in the Process: When we're solely fixated on the outcome, we miss the growth that happens in the journey. The process is where we learn, adapt, and evolve. It's where we build resilience, problem-solving skills, and character.

Intrinsic Motivation: When we find joy and fulfillment in the effort we put in, we're more likely to stay motivated. Intrinsic motivation, the kind that comes from within, is more sustainable and fulfilling compared to the fleeting rewards of external validation.

Reducing Anxiety: By shifting our focus to the process, we alleviate some of the anxiety tied to outcome-obsession. We make room for self-compassion and the understanding that it's okay to make mistakes.

How can we apply this wisdom to our lives?

Here are a few practical steps:

1. Mindfulness Practices:

Engage in mindfulness exercises to stay present in the moment and cultivate a non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts and feelings. This can help shift your focus from the future outcome to the current process.

2. SMART Goals:

Consider setting SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals that emphasize the process and the steps needed to get there. This way, you have a clear roadmap for your efforts.

3. Self-Compassion:

Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer to a friend. Remember that making mistakes is part of the human experience.

4. Embrace the Learning:

Reframe your mindset to see mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. The process is where you build your expertise and resilience.

5. Gratitude Journaling:

What we pay attention to grows, so when you're constantly fixating on your imperfections or mistakes, that's where your subconscious mind directs your attention. Redirect that attention to more productive & positive things by jotting down a few things you learned or accomplished at the end of each day.

Remember, success isn't defined solely by outcomes. It's about the journey, the effort, the learning, and the growth. Let's shift our focus, reduce anxiety, and cultivate intrinsic motivation by celebrating the beauty of the process.

Stay tuned for more tips and insights on managing anxiety and perfectionism. And if you're interested in diving deeper into these topics, don't forget to sign up for my email list, where I share exclusive content and resources to support your mental health journey.

Until next time, take care of yourselves and embrace the process of growth!

P.S. If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with others who might be struggling with anxiety and perfectionism.