How to Rewire Negative Thinking: From “Have To” to “Get To”
I think we’ve all had moments where life feels like an endless to-do list. Sometimes, it’s not even the big stuff that feels daunting; it’s the small, daily tasks that pile up and weigh us down. After a long day at work, the thought of taking the dog for a walk, making dinner, or even folding laundry can feel exhausting. But what if there was a way to approach these tasks that actually left us feeling lighter, maybe even grateful? Let’s talk about reframing tasks from “having to do something” to “getting to do something.”
The Psychology Behind Reframing
Reframing is a cognitive tool rooted in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). At its core, CBT is about changing the way we think to improve how we feel and behave. Reframing specifically involves taking a situation or thought and looking at it from a new angle. When we think of tasks as something we "have to" do, it feels forced and burdensome. On the other hand, reframing these tasks as things we "get to" do brings in an element of choice, control, and even gratitude.
Why does this make such a difference? Studies show that a sense of autonomy – the feeling that we have some control over our lives – directly impacts our mental health. When we feel like we’re choosing our actions, rather than being forced into them, it reduces stress and boosts overall wellbeing. So, simply switching from "have to" to "get to" can start to shift our mindset, giving us back a bit of control and reducing that feeling of obligation.
The Subtle Power of Language in Shaping Experience
The words we use can significantly influence our feelings and behavior. Researchers have found that the language we use internally and out loud can shape our perceptions and emotional responses. Think about it: When I say, “I have to take my dog for a walk,” it sounds like something I need to check off my list – something standing between me and my couch. But when I say, “I get to take my dog for a walk,” it suddenly feels like a chance to do something enjoyable. I remember that I get to be in the fresh air & sunshine, enjoy a little movement, and watch my dog’s excitement. This small shift makes a big difference in how I approach the task.
This isn’t just about tricking our brains; it’s about creating a sense of gratitude. Gratitude has been shown to improve mood, enhance relationships, and reduce stress and anxiety. By focusing on what we "get to" do, we’re more likely to approach life with appreciation rather than resentment.
From Obligation to Opportunity: Real-Life Examples
Here are some common “have to” tasks and ways to reframe them with a “get to” mindset:
Taking the Dog for a Walk
Have to: “I have to take the dog for a walk after a long day of work.”
Get to: “I get to unwind by taking my dog for a walk, enjoying some fresh air and a few minutes to myself.”
Cooking Dinner
Have to: “I have to cook dinner for the family.”
Get to: “I get to make a healthy meal for myself and my family, and experiment with new recipes.”
Laundry
Have to: “I have to do the laundry.”
Get to: “I get to have clean clothes for the week ahead, and I get to spend a few minutes being productive.”
Work Projects
Have to: “I have to finish this report.”
Get to: “I get to work on a challenging project that uses my skills and contributes to my professional growth.”
When we shift from “have to” to “get to,” these mundane tasks become opportunities to engage, reflect, or simply enjoy small moments in life.
How Reframing Reduces Anxiety
A big part of why we feel anxious or stressed is due to a lack of perceived control. Tasks we "have to" do feel like demands, while tasks we "get to" do feel more like choices. It may seem like a small distinction, but research on autonomy suggests it makes a real difference. When we feel forced into things, stress and cortisol levels spike, which can contribute to long-term health issues if it becomes a chronic state. By reframing tasks as choices, we reduce that feeling of being trapped and eliminate that sense of urgency, which helps reduce overall anxiety.
In addition, reframing helps us build resilience. People who practice reframing – particularly around small, daily challenges – tend to handle bigger stressors more effectively. They’ve trained themselves to find the silver lining or meaning in their tasks, which buffers them from feeling overwhelmed.
Reframing and Gratitude
Gratitude has become something of a buzzword, but it has scientific backing. Studies have shown that gratitude practices can improve mood, reduce depressive symptoms, and even enhance physical health. When we approach our day with a “get to” mindset, we’re actively practicing gratitude. Instead of thinking, “I have to go to the gym,” we can reframe it as “I get to move my body, release endorphins, and work on my health.” It’s not about ignoring the fact that some tasks are tiring or difficult; it’s about acknowledging the good that comes with them.
This shift can create a more positive outlook over time. People who regularly practice gratitude are often more optimistic and resilient. In the long term, this leads to better mental health and a higher sense of life satisfaction.
Tips for Putting Reframing into Practice
Start Small
Begin with one or two tasks each day and consciously reframe them. Don’t try to reframe everything all at once. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel.Look for the Silver Lining
This isn’t about toxic positivity; it’s about finding one small benefit in each task. Whether it’s fresh air, physical movement, or a chance to learn something, see if you can find a positive angle.Focus on the Opportunity
Remind yourself of the broader opportunity each task presents. Instead of just doing laundry, for instance, remind yourself that you’re creating a comfortable environment or taking care of yourself.Practice Gratitude
Consider adding a daily gratitude practice. At the end of each day, write down three things you were grateful to “get to” do that day. This helps reinforce the mindset over time.
Final Thoughts: Reframing Is a Skill, Not a Cure-All
It’s important to note that reframing won’t suddenly make every task enjoyable or stress-free. There will still be things we don’t want to do, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to love every task but to approach each one with a little less resentment and a bit more openness. Reframing gives us a tool to navigate life with more control and gratitude, which can ultimately improve our mental well-being.
So, next time you catch yourself saying, “I have to…” take a moment to pause. Try to find a way to shift that language. You might be surprised at how powerful it can be. Instead of “I have to finish this task,” think, “I get to work on something meaningful,” or “I get to take a break afterward.” Small changes in language lead to big changes in mindset – and a more positive perspective on the daily grind can make a world of difference.
