Managing Expectations - Video Transcript

Hi everyone, I'm Kristen the anxiety therapist and today I'm going to be talking about managing expectations. I know I've touched on this idea in some previous videos, but it's so important that I really wanted to dedicate an entire video to discussing this because I think it's at the root of um a lot of the anxiety that we experience.

So placing expectations on ourselves, really puts undue pressure and sort of this sense of urgency and this perception that that we've failed in some way if we don't reach those expectations, so this can be something big, but it can also be day to day stuff that um we sort of place this undue pressure on ourselves, so I'll use some examples from my own life from today actually.

So one thing I need to get done today is to do laundry, so if I tell myself, oh, I need to do laundry today, I'm sort of placing this pressure on myself and additional stress and I'm feeling anxious that I have to get this laundry done by the end of the day, whereas if I just kind of tweak the wording a little bit and say, oh I would really like to get laundry done today, then it just takes some of the pressure off.

Yes, it's a goal, it's something I would like to accomplish by the end of the day, but is it the end of the world if I don't get it done? Absolutely not. Um something else that has come up for me is I have so many of my students, final paper drafts to look over and provide feedback on and so I told them that I would get them completed by today. And yes, that is a goal I would like to get them back to my students today, so they have more time to work on their revisions.

But again, I would like to get them done by the end of the day. I don't absolutely have to write the final paper isn't due for another week and a half. So if I have a few left over that I great and provide feedback on tomorrow, not the end of the world.

So this applies to expectations not only toward ourselves, but also towards other people. And this is something I see come up so frequently with my clients who are having difficulties in relationships is that they sort of place these expectations on their partner, their family members, their friends, but they don't communicate those.

And so really it just kind of creates this cycle of setting yourself up for disappointment because you might expect your partner to respond in a particular way, but there's no communication and they can't read your mind. And so when they don't do that, you end up feeling disappointed. So this is just something to really pay attention to in regard to how this shows up in your own life.

And today just take note of sort of that internal self talk of how you're phrasing things when there are tasks that you want to complete or things that you want to accomplish, you know, are you telling yourself that you have to do it or that you would like to do it and if it doesn't get done, is it is it really the end of the world?

Maybe it is, maybe it's something that's a deadline for work and you absolutely have to get it in, you know, and and that's, that's definitely the case and for a lot of people, but I think that that is rarely the case in terms of just our day to day lives, um and things that we need to do so um I hope that you found this helpful and just be cognizant of the expectations you place upon yourself and other people because it can really prevent a lot of disappointment self criticism, criticism of others um and kind of alleviate a lot of anxiety in the process, so um feel free to drop a comment, ask a question.

I put out new content every Friday, so follow my facebook page or my youtube channel, if you're interested in learning more. Thanks, have a great weekend.