Why Your Nervous System Won’t Let You Relax
Ever Feel Exhausted No Matter How Much You Rest?
You go to bed early, get your full eight hours, and still wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck. You schedule a lowkey weekend, thinking that might fix the problem, but instead of feeling recharged, you feel even more drained. Maybe you’ve noticed that even when you sit down to relax, your mind keeps racing, or your body still feels tense, like it’s bracing for something.
So what gives?
The truth is, rest isn’t just about sleep. Your exhaustion might not be from a lack of downtime—it might be because your nervous system is stuck in functional freeze, a survival state that makes it nearly impossible to feel truly rested.
If you feel like you’re running on empty but still can’t relax, your body might not trust that it’s safe enough to fully rest. Let’s break down why this happens, why stress keeps you in survival mode, and—most importantly—how to reset your nervous system so you can finally relax.
Why Rest Isn’t Just About Sleep
We tend to think of rest as doing nothing—lying in bed, sitting on the couch, taking a break. But real rest isn’t about stillness; it’s about what’s happening inside your body.
Your autonomic nervous system controls all the things you don’t consciously think about—your heart rate, digestion, breathing, and stress responses. It has two key settings:
1. The Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight-or-Flight Mode)
This is your body’s gas pedal. It keeps you alert, focused, and ready to respond to danger. It’s useful when you need to meet a deadline or react quickly, but when you stay in this mode too long, your body stays stuck in stress mode.
2. The Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest-and-Digest Mode)
This is your brake pedal. It slows your heart rate, lowers stress hormones, and allows your body to recover. This is the state where real rest happens—but if your body has been stuck in stress mode for too long, it may not shift into relaxation mode properly.
Instead, your nervous system might drop you into functional freeze, a state where you feel shut down, exhausted, and disconnected—but not actually restored.
The Exhaustion Loop: Why You Never Feel Fully Recharged
If your nervous system is stuck in functional freeze, you might find yourself caught in this pattern:
You push through stress, running on adrenaline.
Your nervous system tries to conserve energy by shutting down.
You “rest,” but don’t feel any better.
You force yourself to keep going.
The cycle repeats.
This is why you can sleep, take breaks, and even go on vacation—but still feel completely drained. Your body isn’t getting the kind of rest it actually needs.
Signs Your Body Isn’t Actually Resting
How do you know if your body is truly resting—or just shutting down? Here are some clues:
You wake up exhausted. Instead of feeling refreshed after sleep, you feel groggy, heavy, or mentally foggy.
You zone out, but don’t feel better. Scrolling your phone, binge-watching TV, or even lying in bed doesn’t help you recharge.
You feel tense, even when you’re “relaxing.” Your shoulders are tight, your jaw is clenched, or your stomach feels knotted.
You crave constant stimulation. Silence or stillness makes you uncomfortable, so you reach for distractions to fill the space.
This isn’t just “being tired.” It’s your nervous system stuck in a stress response.
The good news? You can train your body to shift out of this state—but you have to actively show your nervous system that it’s safe.
How Chronic Stress Keeps You Stuck
Your autonomic nervous system is wired to protect you. If it senses danger, it keeps you in fight-or-flight mode so you can respond quickly.
But here’s the problem: Your brain doesn’t just react to real danger—it reacts to perceived danger too.
Things like:
A never-ending to-do list
Financial worries
Relationship stress
Too much screen time
Past trauma that your body still holds onto
Over time, this constant stress keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode, leading to:
High cortisol levels – Too much stress hormone keeps your body wired.
Muscle tension – Your body stays physically braced for action.
Shallow breathing – You take short, rapid breaths, keeping your body on edge.
Digestive issues – Your body deprioritizes digestion to conserve energy.
If this cycle continues, your nervous system stops shifting into true relaxation mode, making real rest impossible.
So how do you reset your system and get your body to actually relax?
How to Shift from Shutdown to Safety
Your body won’t relax just because you want it to. You need to show it—through movement, breathwork, and sensory cues—that it’s safe.
1. Move to Break the Freeze Response
Small, intentional movements can send signals to your nervous system that it’s okay to relax.
Roll your shoulders or shake out your hands.
Stretch while taking slow exhales.
Take a short walk, even if it’s just pacing.
Why it works: Movement activates proprioception (your sense of body position and movement), which stimulates your nervous system to go into "rest-and-digest" mode.
2. Use Breathwork to Signal Safety
Your breath is one of the fastest ways to shift your nervous system. The key? Extending your exhale.
Try this:
Inhale for 4 seconds
Exhale for 6-8 seconds
Repeat for 2-5 minutes
Why it works: Long exhales stimulate the vagus nerve, which calms your system. Making your exhales a bit forceful, like you're blowing out birthday candles, can help too.
3. Activate the Vagus Nerve for Deep Relaxation
The vagus nerve is your body’s built-in “relax” button. Here’s how to stimulate it:
Humming or singing – The vibrations activate the vagus nerve.
Cold exposure – Splash cold water on your face or place an ice pack on the back of your neck.
Gargling water – Sounds weird, but it stimulates the vagus nerve.
4. Create a Safe Environment for Your Nervous System
Your body constantly looks for safety or danger signals. Try:
Weighted blankets – Deep pressure calms the nervous system (I use one of these, and it really helps with nighttime anxiety)
Warm lighting – Harsh overhead lights can keep you on edge.
Slow, rhythmic music – Your body subconsciously syncs to the beat. Search up a "bilateral beats" playlist on Spotify.
5. Choose Active Rest Over Passive Shutdown
What doesn’t work: Mindless scrolling, zoning out.
What works: Breathwork, stretching, petting your dog—anything that helps your body feel safe.
Final Thoughts
If you feel exhausted all the time, it’s not just about sleep—your nervous system might be stuck in survival mode. For my analytical folks (yup, me too), this means you can't always think your way into relaxation by calming your mind. The key is teaching your body that it’s safe. Small shifts—like breathwork, movement, and sensory cues—can help you finally break out of the exhaustion cycle.
