What's your Attachment Style? PART 1 - Video Transcript
Hi, everyone! I'm Kristen, the Anxiety Therapist. In this video, I'm going to be talking about how our attachment style impacts our adult relationships and this can differ depending on whether we're single or in a relationship or even if we're parents. This is going to be a three part series.
Today, I'm going to be talking about attachment styles as they relate to single people. The next video will relate to partners and relationships, and then the third video will apply to parents. So there are a few different predominant attachment styles. Most of the information I'm sharing with you today is taken directly from the attachment project. They have a really great website where you can take a quiz to see what type of attachment style you have and just learn more about them. But today I'm going to be giving you just a little synopsis of what each attachment style is like for if you're single.
1.Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style
The anxious-preoccupied attachment style, these folks crave relationships, intimacy and love and so they might have a hard time being single and they might really enjoy dating and being flirty and being seduced and receiving that attention and this type of reassurance and sort of boost in confidence is really tempting to someone with an anxious attachment style. But the problem is that once that sort of more casual dating turns into a relationship, these folks start experiencing a lot of jealousy, anxiety and a big fear of rejection and abandonment.
2. Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style
The next one is the avoidant dismissive attachment style. This is characterized by people who are super independent, assertive, and self-sufficient. These folks have no issue being single, but they're very sociable, popular and friendly, they might date around but tend to lose interest as soon as things start to get a little bit more serious or their partner tries to connect with them on a deeper, more emotional level, so they kind of take what they want from a relationship regardless of what their partner might need.
3. Disorganized or Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
Third is the disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment style. This seems kind of contradictory because it vacillates between preoccupied and dismissive styles. Folks with this attachment style want to be loved and connect with others and so they may initially come off as confident, attractive, exciting and as though they kind of have their ship figured out but their fear of being hurt by someone that they trust, it just makes it so difficult for them to bond and open up. These folks might have a hard time dating since the process of getting to know and trust a potential partner may be really distressing and anxiety provoking for them.
4. Secure Attachment Style
Finally, we have the healthiest attachment style and that is the secure attachment style. This means someone is comfortable with both proximity and autonomy. There's comfort in opening up to their partner and spending time with their partner, but then they also have a sense of being an individual and having that autonomy. Their self content. But they're also comfortable in their relationships and dating doesn't really seem to be an issue for these folks because they tend to be pretty open and straightforward. These people are pretty easy to connect to and they tend to be warm and just really sort of magnetic toward other people they feel comfortable approaching and bonding with potential partners.
So if you find that one of these sort of less productive or healthy attachment styles applies to you, this does not mean you're doomed. It just means that there's a reason your attachment has developed in this way. That could be something to be explored further and that if you find a partner with a secure attachment style that can actually help you heal your own attachment style and develop a healthy and productive relationship.
What becomes problematic is when people with unhealthy or toxic attachment styles get together, then that can be sort of a recipe for disaster. So again, check out the attachment project and you can learn a little bit more about how your attachment style might impact your life and your adult relationships.
Stay tuned for next week where I talk about attachment styles in terms of partnerships or relationships. So I hope you learned something today. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, The Anxiety Therapist and follow me on social media @catharticspacecounseling, and I will see you next time!
