How to Reduce Emotional Overwhelm: DBT Techniques Explained
When we’re faced with overwhelming emotions, it’s natural to want to find ways to quickly escape the discomfort. Whether it’s stress from work, tension in relationships, or simply the pressures of daily life, intense feelings can make us act in ways that we later regret. This is where Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, comes into play. Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan in the late 1980s, DBT was initially created to help people with borderline personality disorder, but it’s now widely used for a variety of mental health issues, especially when it comes to managing strong emotions.
DBT is packed with practical skills that can be life-changing, and today I want to talk about three of the most effective ones: STOP, Opposite Action, and Coping Ahead. These skills are like your emotional first-aid kit—they’re there to help you handle whatever life throws at you, without letting your emotions take the wheel. Let’s break them down and explore how you can use these tools to build better distress tolerance and emotional regulation.
1. The STOP Skill: Hitting Pause in the Heat of the Moment
Imagine you’re in a heated argument with someone. Your heart’s racing, your thoughts are scattered, and you feel like you’re about to explode. In these moments, our natural response is often to react immediately, sometimes in ways that escalate the situation. This is where the STOP skill can make a huge difference.
What Does STOP Stand For?
Stop: The first step is literally to stop what you’re doing. Whatever the situation is—whether you’re about to say something you’ll regret, send an angry email, or make a rash decision—just freeze. By stopping, you’re giving yourself a moment to prevent automatic, impulsive actions.
Take a step back: This is about creating some space between you and the situation. Physically, it could mean taking a deep breath, sitting down, or stepping outside. Mentally, it’s about taking a moment to calm your mind. This step is crucial because it helps reduce the immediate emotional intensity.
Observe: Now that you’ve paused and taken a step back, it’s time to observe what’s happening. Look at what’s going on around you and within you. What are the facts of the situation? What are you feeling? What are the thoughts running through your head? This observation should be as non-judgmental as possible. You’re just gathering information.
Proceed mindfully: After you’ve observed the situation, you can decide how to proceed. This means acting in a way that’s deliberate and aligned with your values and goals. Whether it’s continuing the conversation in a calmer manner, taking more time before responding, or deciding to walk away, this step is about making a conscious choice.
The Science Behind STOP
The STOP skill is rooted in the science of how our brain processes emotions. When we’re stressed or angry, the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for our fight-or-flight response—becomes activated. This can make us react without thinking, often in ways that are more about survival than logical reasoning. The STOP skill is designed to interrupt this process. By physically and mentally pausing, you’re giving your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for planning and decision-making) a chance to engage. This shift from reactive to reflective allows you to respond to the situation more thoughtfully, reducing the likelihood of saying or doing something you might regret.
2. Opposite Action: Challenging Unhelpful Emotional Urges
We’ve all experienced moments where our emotions are pushing us in a direction that, deep down, we know isn’t helpful. Maybe you’ve felt like canceling plans because you’re anxious, or perhaps you’ve wanted to lash out in anger. These emotional urges can be powerful, but they’re not always aligned with what’s best for us. The DBT skill of Opposite Action is about recognizing when emotion is leading you astray and choosing to do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing.
How Opposite Action Works
Identify the Emotion: The first step in using Opposite Action is to identify what emotion you’re experiencing. Are you feeling anger, sadness, fear, shame, or something else? Being specific about what you’re feeling is important because different emotions call for different actions.
Assess the Action Urge: Once you’ve identified the emotion, think about what it’s driving you to do. For instance, if you’re feeling anxious, you might want to avoid a certain situation. If you’re angry, you might feel the urge to confront someone aggressively. Understanding your action urge gives you insight into what you’re about to do instinctively.
Check the Facts: This step involves asking yourself whether your emotional response fits the facts of the situation. Sometimes, our emotions are based on misinterpretations, assumptions, or past experiences rather than the current reality. For example, you might feel overwhelming anxiety about a social event because of a past bad experience, but that doesn’t mean this event will be the same.
Act Opposite: If you’ve determined that your emotion is not fully justified by the facts, it’s time to do the opposite of what your emotion is telling you to do. If you feel like avoiding a situation because of fear, try approaching it calmly. If you’re angry and feel like yelling, try speaking softly or taking a time-out. By acting opposite to your emotional urges, you’re essentially teaching your brain that the situation isn’t as threatening as it feels.
The Science Behind Opposite Action
Opposite Action is grounded in the principles of behavioral psychology, specifically the concept of behavioral activation. This idea suggests that by changing your behavior, you can influence your emotional state. For example, if you’re feeling sad and want to withdraw from social activities, forcing yourself to engage with others can actually lift your mood over time. By acting opposite to your emotional urges, you’re breaking the cycle of negative reinforcement that keeps those emotions strong. Over time, this can lead to a reduction in the intensity of those emotions, helping you to feel more in control.
3. Coping Ahead: Preparing for Emotional Challenges Before They Happen
There are certain situations in life that we know will be challenging before they even occur—whether it’s a difficult conversation, a stressful work meeting, or an event that brings up painful memories. The DBT skill of Coping Ahead is all about planning and preparing for these situations so that when they do happen, you’re ready to handle them in a way that aligns with your goals and values.
How to Practice Coping Ahead
Visualize the Situation: Start by thinking about the upcoming event or situation that you’re worried about. Picture it in as much detail as possible—where it will happen, who will be there, what might be said or done. This visualization helps your brain to “rehearse” the situation, making it feel less daunting when it actually occurs.
Identify Potential Challenges: As you visualize the situation, think about what specific challenges might arise. Will you feel anxious, angry, or sad? What thoughts or urges might come up? Identifying these challenges ahead of time allows you to prepare for them.
Plan Coping Strategies: Once you’ve identified the potential challenges, think about which coping skills you can use to manage them. For instance, if you anticipate feeling anxious, could you use STOP to prevent yourself from spiraling? If you think you might feel angry, could you plan to use Opposite Action to stay calm? By planning your coping strategies in advance, you’re setting yourself up for success.
Imagine Success: The final step is to imagine yourself successfully navigating the situation. Picture yourself using the skills you’ve planned and handling the challenges effectively. This positive visualization not only boosts your confidence but also increases the likelihood that you’ll respond well when the situation actually occurs.
The Science Behind Coping Ahead
Coping Ahead taps into the brain’s natural ability to simulate future events—a process known as prospective simulation. When we imagine future scenarios, our brain doesn’t distinguish much between what’s real and what’s imagined. This means that by mentally rehearsing how you’ll handle a challenging situation, you’re actually training your brain to respond in that way when the moment comes. This type of mental rehearsal can reduce anxiety and improve your ability to cope with stress in real-time. Additionally, by planning ahead, you’re less likely to be caught off guard by your emotions, which can help you stay in control.
Putting It All Together: A Roadmap to Emotional Resilience
DBT offers practical, science-backed tools that can significantly improve your ability to manage intense emotions and navigate life’s challenges. STOP, Opposite Action, and Coping Ahead are three skills that can be particularly effective in helping you build distress tolerance and emotional regulation. Let's recap:
STOP is your go-to skill when you feel overwhelmed in the moment. It helps you hit pause, gather your thoughts, and choose a more mindful response.
Opposite Action is perfect for those times when your emotions are urging you to act in ways that aren’t helpful. By doing the opposite, you can shift your emotional state and avoid falling into negative patterns.
Coping Ahead is about preparing for future challenges so that you’re not blindsided by your emotions when they arise. This proactive approach can make a big difference in how you handle difficult situations.
These skills are more than just techniques—they’re habits that, with practice, can become second nature. And like any new habit, they take time to develop. But the effort is well worth it. By consistently using these skills, you’re not just managing your emotions; you’re actively building your emotional resilience. This means that over time, you’ll find yourself better equipped to handle whatever life throws at you, with a sense of calm, control, and confidence.
So the next time you find yourself in a challenging emotional situation, remember these DBT skills. They’re rooted in science, easy to apply, and can help you take back control of your emotional well-being. And that’s something we could all use a little more of in our lives.
Check back next week for more helpful DBT skills!
