How to Handle Holiday Anxiety Without Losing Your Sh*t
The holidays are a time of joy, celebration, and connection—or at least that’s what we’re told to expect. Let's be real.....for many of us, this season is less about cheerful moments and more about juggling family dynamics, travel, and the pressure to meet everyone’s expectations. If you’re feeling anxious as the holidays approach, know this: you’re not alone, and there are ways to manage the overwhelm.
Let’s break down the science of holiday anxiety and explore practical strategies for finding calm amid the chaos.
What Causes Holiday Anxiety?
The stress of the season comes from a cocktail of emotional triggers. Some of the biggest culprits include:
Family Dynamics: Navigating difficult relationships, especially with emotionally immature or toxic family members, can leave you feeling drained.
Time Pressure: The endless to-do lists, shopping, and travel plans can feel overwhelming.
Financial Stress: Gifts, trips, and social events can stretch your budget thin.
Grief and Loss: Holidays often magnify feelings of loss or nostalgia for loved ones who are no longer here.
Perfectionism: The need to create a “perfect” holiday can lead to unrealistic expectations.
From a physiological perspective, these stressors activate your body's fight-or-flight response, flooding your system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, irritability, and difficulty focusing. The good news is that you can interrupt this cycle with intentional actions.
Lowering Holiday Anxiety: Practical Tips
1. Manage Your Expectations
It’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting the holidays to look like a Hallmark movie. The reality is, difficult family members don’t magically become kind, and not everything will go as planned. Research on emotional regulation shows that accepting situations as they are can reduce stress and prevent emotional burnout. As humans, we all experience distress. It's when we can't accept our reality and resist it that suffering occurs. I know, easier said than done (that's why therapy can be so beneficial during this season).
How to Apply This:
Internal Boundaries: Acknowledge that you can’t control others’ actions, but you can control your response. Repeat to yourself, “I can’t change them, but I can choose my reaction.”
Focus on Good Enough: Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for “good enough.” Reducing perfectionism can lower anxiety. I love cooking and hosting, and I really used to struggle with creating the "perfect" event, be it Thanksgiving, Christmas, or my kids' birthday parties. It's been so freeing to let that go.
2. Navigating Difficult Family Members
If you’re dealing with a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent, the usual advice—like setting boundaries or having honest conversations—might not work. Why? Because these individuals often lack the communication skills and emotional regulation to engage in mature discussions. They see boundaries as a challenge rather than a guideline.
Strategies That Work:
Stay Neutral: When a family member provokes you, use non-reactive phrases like, “That’s an interesting perspective.” This diffuses the situation without escalating conflict.
Stick to Safe Topics: Avoid conversations about politics, religion, or unresolved family drama. Redirect discussions to lighter subjects like shared memories or favorite holiday traditions.
Visualize Detachment: Picture a protective bubble around yourself to create emotional distance. Remind yourself, “Their behavior says more about them than it does about me.”
3. Protect Your Time and Energy
One of the best ways to manage holiday stress is to be intentional with your time. Overcommitting can leave you feeling resentful and drained, while undercommitting can lead to guilt. The key is balance.
How to Apply This:
Plan an Exit Strategy: Whether it’s a phrase like, “I need to step outside to make a phone call,” or a specific time to leave, having an escape plan gives you control over your interactions.
Limit Solo Interactions: If a particular relative tends to criticize or provoke you, stick to group settings where their behavior might be more moderated.
Say No Gracefully: You don’t need to attend every gathering or fulfill every request. Use phrases like, “I appreciate the invite, but I can’t commit this time.”
4. Practice Grounding Techniques
When anxiety hits, grounding techniques can bring your focus back to the present. These methods work because they engage your senses and distract your mind from spiraling thoughts.
Techniques to Try:
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Identify five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. This mindfulness exercise calms your nervous system.
Deep Breathing: Research shows that deep, diaphragmatic breathing can lower cortisol levels. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and relax each muscle group in your body, starting with your toes and working your way up. This helps release physical tension tied to stress.
Step Outside in the Winter Air: If you live somewhere with four seasons, like I do, then it's probably quite cold out right now. Research suggests a stark change in temperature can help regulate your nervous system and make you feel more grounded.
5. Address Aftermath Overthinking
Have you ever replayed an awkward conversation in your head for hours—or days—after a family gathering? You’re not alone. This kind of rumination keeps your anxiety alive long after the event ends.
How to Break the Cycle:
Journal It Out: Writing down your thoughts can help you process emotions and identify patterns. Studies show that expressive writing improves emotional regulation.
Ground Yourself: If you catch yourself overthinking, bring your attention back to the present using the grounding techniques mentioned above.
Use Reframing: Shift your perspective by asking yourself, “What’s the most compassionate way to view this situation?” Try getting curious about why the other person may have acted in a certain way, instead of being judgmental. Maybe they were also experiencing holiday anxiety, or maybe they were already on edge from another conversation they'd had earlier that day. Try not to personalize everything.
Self-Care: Your Secret Weapon
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When you prioritize self-care, you build resilience against stress. If holiday anxiety is depleting your emotional energy, you need to replenish that energy with acts of self-care.
Simple Self-Care Ideas:
Schedule Time for Yourself: Block off time to do something you love, whether it’s reading, exercising, or binge-watching your favorite show. I'm someone who gets very overstimulated by excessive socializing, which depletes my social battery. I'm very mindful about carving out alone time so I can recharge.
Stay Active: Physical activity releases endorphins, which improve mood and reduce stress. It doesn't have to be a full workout....just go for a brisk walk.
Set Technology Boundaries: Limit your time on social media, where curated holiday posts can trigger comparison and feelings of inadequacy.
Gratitude and Joy: Small Moments Matter
Amid the chaos, don’t forget to savor the little moments of joy. Research from the field of positive psychology shows that gratitude practices can significantly reduce stress and boost overall well-being.
How to Practice Gratitude:
Keep a Gratitude Journal: Each day, write down three things you’re thankful for. They can be as small as a warm cup of coffee or as big as reconnecting with an old friend.
Share Your Thanks: Expressing gratitude to others strengthens relationships and spreads positivity.
Final Thoughts
The holidays don’t have to be a perfect performance or a source of constant stress. By managing expectations, protecting your energy, and grounding yourself in the present, you can navigate this season with more ease. Remember, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—joy, grief, stress, and everything in between. Give yourself permission to let go of what doesn’t serve you and focus on what truly matters: connection, compassion, and caring for yourself.
The holidays may always stir up some stress, but with these strategies, you’re better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
