How to Truly Forgive and Let Go (and Why it's the Self-Care Practice You Need for 2025)
The start of a new year always brings an opportunity for reflection and renewal. As we dive into 2025, many of us are jotting down resolutions like eating better, exercising more, or maybe even reading that stack of books gathering dust on the shelf. But here's a resolution that might not be on your list yet: practicing forgiveness.
Now, I get it. Forgiveness isn’t the most obvious choice. When someone wrongs us, the idea of forgiving them can feel like giving up our power or letting them off the hook (I know this feeling well). But the truth is, forgiveness isn’t about them at all. It’s about you—your health, your peace of mind, and your freedom from carrying heavy emotional baggage into the new year. Let’s talk about why forgiveness is such a game-changer.
What Forgiveness Really Is (And What It Isn’t)
Let’s clear up a common myth: forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing bad behavior. It’s not about saying, “What you did was okay.” Instead, it’s about releasing yourself from the grip of anger and resentment and accepting (not liking) that what happened, happened. Think of forgiveness as a decision to stop letting someone else’s actions control your emotional state. You can't change what happened, but you can control how much you continue to let it affect you.
Psychologists define forgiveness as the conscious choice to let go of negative feelings toward someone who wronged you. This doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is an inside job—it’s about your peace, not repairing the relationship unless that’s something you truly want.
The Science of Forgiveness: Why It’s Good for Your Health
If you’ve ever held a grudge, you know how much energy it takes. Resentment can feel like carrying a backpack full of rocks everywhere you go. What’s worse, holding onto anger doesn’t just weigh on your mind—it can harm your body too.
Research shows that anger and resentment can be associated with chronic stress, which can wreak havoc on your health. Stress leads to elevated levels of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, which over time can contribute to:
High blood pressure
Weakened immune system
Insomnia
Anxiety and depression
Forgiveness, on the other hand, does the opposite. Studies have found that people who forgive tend to have lower levels of stress and better overall well-being. When you forgive, you allow your body to relax and heal, breaking the cycle of fight-or-flight responses triggered by lingering anger.
It’s Not About Them—It’s About You
One of the most liberating aspects of forgiveness is realizing that it’s primarily for your benefit. Let’s be honest: the person who hurt you might not even be thinking about the incident. Meanwhile, you’re replaying the situation on a loop, feeling anger and frustration all over again.
Think of forgiveness as a gift you give to yourself. By forgiving, you’re choosing to take back your emotional energy. You’re saying, “I won’t let this situation control me or my happiness anymore.”
Case Study: Reclaiming Peace Through Forgiveness
Let me tell you about Mark. A few years ago, Mark’s business partner embezzled money from their company, leaving him financially and emotionally devastated. Mark spent years ruminating over the betrayal, replaying every conversation, wondering how he could have missed the signs, and imagining scenarios where he confronted his former partner.
One day, Mark decided to seek out therapy. We explored the benefits of forgiveness, not for the sake of his ex-partner, but for himself. At first, Mark resisted. “Why should I let him off the hook?” he asked. But as I explained above, forgiveness wasn’t about erasing what happened; it was about freeing himself from the emotional prison he’d built. He also had to work on forgiving himself for not being aware of what was going on. Everything makes sense in hindsight, but people can be very sneaky and manipulative.
Mark began journaling his feelings and practicing mindfulness to process his anger. Over time, he realized that holding onto resentment was only hurting him. Letting go of his grudge didn’t mean forgetting the betrayal; it meant reclaiming his peace of mind. Today, Mark describes forgiveness as one of the best decisions he ever made—not for his ex-partner, but for his own mental health.
How to Start Forgiving in 2025
Forgiveness is easier said than done. It’s not like flipping a switch. But it is possible, and you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are some steps to get started:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or betrayed. Suppressing these emotions won’t make them go away. Instead, take time to sit with your feelings and name them. Journaling can be a helpful tool here.Consider the Costs of Holding On
Ask yourself: What is holding onto this resentment costing me? Is it draining my energy? Affecting my relationships? Blocking my ability to enjoy life?Shift Your Perspective
This one’s tricky but important. Try to see the situation from a wider lens. Was the person who hurt you acting out of their own pain or ignorance? Understanding their motives doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it can help you let go of the personal sting. Oftentimes, we come to find out the other person has experienced their own trauma.Practice Self-Compassion
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to dismiss your own pain. Be kind to yourself as you work through these emotions. Remind yourself that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event.Seek Support
If you’re struggling to forgive, talking to a therapist or trusted friend can help. Sometimes, having an outside perspective makes it easier to untangle complex feelings.
Case Study: Forgiving Yourself
Forgiveness isn’t just about others. Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Take Lisa, for example. Lisa spent years feeling guilty for not being there for a friend during a difficult time. She carried this guilt into every relationship, believing she was a “bad friend.”
After a few therapy sessions, Lisa realized she was holding herself to an impossible standard. She started practicing self-forgiveness by writing herself a letter of compassion and reminding herself that everyone makes mistakes. Slowly, she let go of the guilt and found the courage to reconnect with her friend. It turned out the friend's perception of the situation wasn't even as bad as Lisa had assumed it was in her head.
Forgiveness as a New Year’s Resolution
So, why not make 2025 the year you prioritize forgiveness? Think of it as emotional decluttering—clearing out the grudges and resentments that no longer serve you. Whether it’s forgiving a difficult family member, a toxic ex, or even yourself, this practice can create space for more joy, connection, and mental clarity in your life.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And like any resolution, it starts with baby steps. So, as you map out your goals for 2025, consider adding this one: Let go of what’s weighing you down. After all, you deserve the freedom that comes with putting down that backpack full of rocks.
Here’s to a year of healing and growth. Happy New Year!
