How do mind reading and personalization contribute to anxiety? - Video transcript
Hey guys, I'm Kristen, the anxiety therapist, and in today's episode, I'm going to talk about two more cognitive distortions. These seem to be resonating with you guys, and I've gotten some good feedback. So I decided to stick with this theme for a while, and there are definitely plenty more to cover.
For those of you who might just be joining me and have missed the past few episodes, a cognitive distortion is a thinking error that becomes such an automatic thought for us that we don't even consciously know that we're doing it. It's essential to learn about these and create some self-awareness about them so that we can catch ourselves in the act and shift that thinking so that it no longer causes us anxiety or distress.
The first one I'll be discussing today is mind reading, which is the belief that we know how others are thinking or feeling. This involves making a lot of assumptions about someone else's internal state. For example, a client of mine recently attended a big networking event in a pretty competitive, male-dominated industry. She left the event feeling like she didn't articulate herself well, stumbled over her words, wasn't effectively able to describe the research she was working on, and other things along those lines. Of course, this led to negative beliefs like, "Everybody in my industry thinks I'm such a fool," and imposter syndrome thinking, where she doesn't feel like she deserves to work amongst her colleagues, and nobody is ever going to read her research or take her seriously.
She didn't have any evidence that these people were thinking of her in that way; she was engaging in a lot of mind-reading. In reality, she was projecting her own insecurities about how she came across at the networking event onto other people and believing that the way she viewed herself was how other people were also viewing her. Therefore, it's essential to look for evidence to determine whether other people are conveying that they perceive you in a negative way or if you're just making a lot of assumptions based on your own feelings and experiences.
The second cognitive distortion that goes hand in hand with mind reading is personalization. This is when we believe that someone else's behavior is a reaction to us. For example, if your boss comes into your office to talk to you and seems dismissive, aloof, or just seems a bit off, you might start interpreting that as if he's upset with you for some reason. However, he could be having an argument with his wife, has a sick kid at home, or got stuck in traffic and be late for his first meeting. We have no idea what is going on in the lives of other people. So, making assumptions or trying to explain something away as being related to ourselves doesn't do us any good. It's crucial to remind ourselves that we don't actually know how someone else is thinking or feeling.
The more cognizant we can be of when these thinking errors happen, the more proactive we can be in catching ourselves in the moment and reframing those thoughts. So, I hope this video was helpful. Tune in next Friday for more content, and I hope you guys have a great weekend. Take care.
