The Psychology of Change: Why You Struggle to Follow Through
When you’re trying to change something—whether it’s leaving a toxic job, starting a regular exercise routine, or to stop overcommitting—it can feel frustrating when progress isn’t linear. One day you’re motivated, the next you’re stuck in old habits. Sound familiar?
The truth is, change happens in predictable stages, and understanding where you are in the process can make all the difference. This is where the Stages of Change Model comes in.
This model, developed by psychologists James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente, breaks change down into six stages. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, this framework helps you see them as part of the process.
Let’s break it down, step by step.
What Are the Stages of Change?
The Stages of Change Model describes how people move through different phases when making lasting changes. These phases are:
Precontemplation (Not Ready) – You don’t see the problem yet.
Contemplation (Thinking About It) – You recognize the issue but aren’t ready to act.
Preparation (Getting Ready) – You’re making plans to change.
Action (Making the Change) – You’re actively changing your behavior.
Maintenance (Sticking With It) – You’re sustaining the new habit.
Relapse (Setback) – You fall back into old patterns (which is normal).
Each stage requires different strategies. The key is identifying where you are so you can work with your brain instead of against it.
1. Precontemplation: “I Don’t See a Problem”
If you’re in this stage, you don’t believe you need to change—even if others suggest it. You might be minimizing an issue or unaware of how it affects you.
Signs You’re in Precontemplation:
You feel defensive when someone suggests change.
You don’t see your behavior as a problem.
You avoid thinking about it altogether.
How to Move Forward:
Get curious: Instead of rejecting feedback, ask yourself, What if they're seeing something I'm unaware of?
Look at patterns: Do you keep running into the same struggles (e.g., relationships, work stress, self-criticism)?
2. Contemplation: “Maybe I Need to Change”
Now you’re starting to see the problem but feel stuck in indecision. You might be weighing the pros and cons of change or feeling overwhelmed by how big the task seems.
Signs You’re in Contemplation:
You acknowledge the issue but aren’t sure what to do.
You feel torn between staying the same and making a change.
You tell yourself, I’ll deal with this later.
How to Move Forward:
List the pros and cons: What’s the benefit of changing? What’s the cost of staying the same?
Visualize your future: What will life look like if you don’t change? What if you do?
3. Preparation: “I’m Getting Ready”
You’re done just thinking about it—you’re making a plan. This stage is all about gathering tools, setting goals, and building momentum.
Signs You’re in Preparation:
You’re researching ways to change.
You’re setting small goals.
You’re telling others about your plans.
How to Move Forward:
Make it specific: Instead of saying I want to reduce stress, say I’ll meditate for 5 minutes each morning.
Find support: Talk to a therapist, join a group, or tell a trusted friend.
4. Action: “I’m Doing It”
This is where real change happens. You’re actively working on new behaviors and seeing results. But this stage takes effort and consistency.
Signs You’re in Action:
You’re practicing new habits regularly.
You feel both excited and challenged.
You sometimes struggle but keep going.
How to Move Forward:
Track progress: Journaling or habit-tracking apps can keep you accountable.
Celebrate small wins: Even small progress means you’re moving forward.
5. Maintenance: “This Is My New Normal”
Once you’ve been in the action stage for a while, you shift to maintenance, where the goal is to make the change stick long-term.
Signs You’re in Maintenance:
The new behavior feels more natural.
You’ve stuck with it for months.
You’re adjusting to life with this change.
How to Move Forward:
Stay mindful of triggers: What situations could tempt you to slip?
Have a plan for setbacks: Instead of panicking if you struggle, remind yourself that it’s part of the process.
6. Relapse: “I Slipped Up” (And That’s Okay)
Relapse isn’t failure—it’s a common part of change. The key is to learn from it rather than beat yourself up.
Signs You’re in Relapse:
You fell back into old habits.
You feel discouraged.
You’re tempted to quit altogether.
How to Move Forward:
Don’t shame yourself: Self-criticism makes change harder, not easier.
Identify what triggered it: Stress? Lack of support? Unrealistic expectations?
Get back on track: Even if you start over, you’re not at square one.
How to Identify Your Stage of Change
Ask yourself these questions to figure out where you are:
Do I think I need to change? → Precontemplation
Am I considering making a change soon? → Contemplation
Am I making a plan? → Preparation
Am I actively changing my behavior? → Action
Have I sustained the change for a while? → Maintenance
Final Thoughts: Change Is a Process, Not an Event
Whether you’re considering leaving a job or relationship, attempting to build healthy habits, or avoiding change altogether, knowing where you are in the change process can help you take the next right step instead of feeling overwhelmed.
No matter what stage you’re in, you’re not stuck—you’re just in progress. The key is to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
