How to Stop Anxiety from Controlling Your Motivation

Mar 12

Let's start with a real-life example (details have been changed to preserve confidentiality). Maria, a 34-year-old marketing manager, constantly works late and double-checks every email she sends, driven by a deep fear of making mistakes that might cost her job.

Rather than aiming to excel or innovate, her primary focus is on avoiding criticism from her boss and preventing any possible failure. This avoidance motivation keeps her in a state of high anxiety, leading her to over-prepare presentations and avoid taking on bold projects, not because she lacks skill, but because she’s terrified of the potential backlash if something goes wrong.

This is one of those hidden patterns that runs quietly in the background until someone points it out. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it. So let's get into it.

What Is Avoidance Motivation in Psychology?

Avoidance motivation is exactly what it sounds like. You’re not working toward something good. You’re just trying to get away from something bad.

It’s the difference between:

“I want to give a great presentation”
vs.
“I don’t want to mess up and look stupid.”

Notice the shift?

Avoidance motivation is powered by fear. Fear of failing. Fear of judgment. Fear of discomfort. And anxiety loves fear-based motivation. It’s like catnip for your nervous system.

When you’re stuck in avoidance mode, you spend most of your time and energy managing potential threats. Which sounds smart, right? Stay ahead of the disaster. Plan for every possible failure. Keep everything under control.

Except you’re not actually moving forward. You’re just dodging imaginary bullets all day, which is quite inefficient.

What Is Approach Motivation? (And Why You Need It)

Approach motivation is the other side of the coin. Instead of running from bad stuff, you’re moving toward good stuff.

Like:

“I want to feel confident speaking up in meetings.”
“I want to build a career I’m excited about.”
“I want to have closer relationships.”

It’s driven by curiosity, growth, excitement. And yeah, sure, a little fear or discomfort might still be in there. But it’s not running the whole show.

The big difference? Approach motivation gives your brain a clear, meaningful reason to act. Avoidance motivation just burns you out with constant threat management.

How Anxiety Traps You in Avoidance Motivation

Your brain has two main systems handling this stuff:
One for detecting threats (anxiety) and one for seeking rewards (motivation).

If you deal with anxiety, that threat system is working overtime. It’s like your internal alarm clock is stuck on snooze and keeps blaring every five minutes just in case you forgot to panic.

The result? Your brain is way more focused on avoiding danger than on chasing good things. Even when there’s no real danger, just the idea of something going wrong is enough to make your nervous system flip out.

So instead of working toward goals that matter to you, you spend your time trying not to screw up.

Intrinsic Motivation vs. Extrinsic Motivation (And Why It Matters for Anxiety)

Quick refresher:

Intrinsic motivation is when you do something because you actually care about it. It matters to you personally.
Extrinsic motivation is when you do something because of outside pressure—money, praise, avoiding punishment, not getting fired, etc.

And here’s why this matters:

Avoidance motivation is mostly tied to extrinsic stuff. You’re doing things because you have to. Or because you should. Or because you’re afraid of what happens if you don’t.

Approach motivation is where intrinsic motivation really works. You’re doing things because they matter to you.

The more anxious you are, the more you end up relying on extrinsic reasons to get through the day. Which means more burnout, more resentment, and less actual satisfaction.

How to Stop Avoidance Motivation and Shift into Approach Mode

You can’t just yell at yourself to “be more motivated.” Trust me, I’ve tried.

But here’s what does help:

Notice the difference.
Ask yourself, “Am I doing this to move toward something good, or just to avoid something bad?”
Focus on what you want.
Anxiety makes you hyper-aware of everything you don’t want. Flip that. What do you actually want to happen? Guide your brain to focus on that.
Make your goals about you.
What matters to you? Not your boss. Not your family. Not Instagram. Just you.
Expect discomfort.
Yeah, some fear will come with it. That’s normal and means you're doing things right. Moving toward things you care about is worth feeling a little nervous. You might be stepping outside of your comfort zone, and that's what we want!

Final Thoughts on Avoidance Motivation and Anxiety

Anxiety is loud. It’s going to tell you all day long that staying safe and small and quiet is the only way to get through life.

But you don’t have to listen.

You can stop spending your energy dodging imaginary disasters. You can start putting that energy into things that matter.

That’s the switch from avoidance to approach. It’s not about forcing yourself to do scary things just because. It’s about giving yourself a reason worth showing up for.

And trust me, your brain is dying for a better reason than just “don’t mess up.”